college major

So today I decided to change my major after talking to this girl in the bathroom. We talked about studying abroad and wanting to learn different things and the complications of the college administrative red-tape. I told her about how I was going to be a physics major (back then it was I am) but how there wasn't really anything I wanted to do with the degree. I don't want to do research and I don't want to teach. Other than that I can't really think of much else I can do with the degree without getting another degree.

After our little chat she went to the bar and I went back to my room, suddenly thinking about why I couldn't be an East Asian Studies major instead. It is actually something that really interests me, as opposed to physics which I'm just simply good at (although that is slowly becoming a lie as I lose interest). But with an East Asian Studies major (or EAST for short) I could find so many more jobs without getting another degree; and that along with the fact that it interests me so much more makes it seem so much more appealing.

However, this writing has gotten me thinking, what if I actually don't have any talent for EAST. What if my talent lies solely in the sciences and the only reason I got better grades in humanities classes was that I put a whole lot more effort into them. I don't remember my ideas being any more original than anyone else's. I don't remember being able to analyze anything particularly well. Mostly I just said stuff that seemed obvious to everyone else.

I think, now that I think of it, I'm actually going to just declare both majors and see which one wins out.

(maybe I should be a psych major with all this thinking about thinking I do)

up and can't sleep...save me

so, I'm awake and can't sleep. I keep thinking about things, and I just want to sleep, but it's one of those times where I can't help it. I kept thinking about how I wish there was someone else here with me. Then a little while ago I started to think about why, and I think it might be the fact that with someone else here I'd be able to stop thinking about what's going on in my head and think more about the other person. This would let me move my conscious out of my own head and finally be able to rest.

Another reason though, that having another person here would help is that I'm just so damn lonely. I try not to admit it because that makes me sad but it's true. If only I had someone to hold, or even if I could concentrate my thoughts on one person, it would help. Of course, if it was the second option, it'd help alot if the feeling was mutual. It's nice to think that someone else is thinking about you at the same time.

Since, however, I don't have one person to hold, kiss, or event think about, I'm just stuck here. I just keep thinking about how nice it would be to have someone here. I mean, there are people I think about, but I keep skipping between different people where there could possibly, in some crazy world where my life actually made sense, be something. But that's even part of the problem. If I keep skipping between people who I don't know the feelings of, I keep wondering and that makes it even worse.

To be honest, I've been mainly thinking about one girl specifically. But because I don't know how she feels towards me, I keep wondering, and then I start wondering about other girls, and the unending process begins again.

Well, wish me luck. I'm going to go try and fall asleep again.